Arthurian + Gift + Exchange


The Drunken Task of Sir Galahad

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author’s blog // PG // 1,013 words // gift fic for gabbiebii


The knights of the Round Table compete to get their purest member drunk - with rather unexpected consequences. 

—> Written for Round One of the Arthurian Gift Exchange.




One night, not too long ago

Perceval had a task

To find the great Sir Galahad

And get him drunk off his ass.


This was not to be an easy thing

For Galahad was pure of heart

And did not dabble in debauchery

But preferred finer things like art.


But Perceval had a plan

One that was clever and a little bit rude

He just needed to convince old Gally

That the tavern wasn’t all that lewd.


At first he tried a sneak attack

And swapped his water for some wine

But that stubborn Sir Galahad

Complained his water did not taste fine.


He asked for another glass

And Perceval did pout

It seemed this task would not be easy

He would have to go all-out.


So he formed a company

Brave and fine knights did join his quest

Sir Owain, Sir Lancelot, & Sir Dinadin

All united in this fun jest.


Sir Lancelot liked the ladies

Everyone knew this was true

He dallied at night with a mystery woman

It was Queen Guinevere, that’s who.


He thought he’d use his expertise

To entice Galahad towards a drink

To bring him to where the ladies danced

Who knew, maybe he had a kink.


Sir Lancelot told Sir Galahad he had a treat for him

And brought him to a brothel, full of vice and skin

Oh how Galahad blushed when he walked in that door

Lancelot thought he would win.


But Galahad had other plans

He had to flee this place

For his body was reacting

Lancelot could tell by his face.


“Here, have a cup to calm down my lad!”

Said Lancelot to Galahad

A large pint of some local ale

It couldn’t be that bad.


His hands did tremble and his heart beat apace

For he could not believe his eyes

Ladies frolicking naked merrily

To leave this place would be wise.


Galahad stared at his mug

The amber liquid before his did swish

A putrid odor reached his nose

It only took that one whiff.


“A foul drink for a foul day!”

Galahad did curse

And with that he stood up and left

Dancing and drinking, Galahad did seem adverse.


Lancelot groaned, as his plan did fail

And the others would mock him truly

But why waste good ale and ladies

Especially that one draped in lapis lazuli.


The next day it was Sir Dinadin’s turn

To try and get dear Galahad drunk

He was the wittiest of Arthur’s knights

And knew he could convince the monk.


He had a plan to make him laugh

To give him giggles abound

And when he was at his happiest

In drink he would surely drown.


For three hours Dinadin made him laugh

Joke after jest after trick

And after each bought of giggles and laughs

Another pint was poured, this would be quick.


But Galahad was wittier than Dinadin

Though many would not have guessed

As for every drink he was poured

Galahad did pour it in a chest.


After three hours it was Dinadin

Who was drunk and off his face

And Galahad had to drag him back

To his sleeping place.


The morning after the four knights met

And attempted a battle plan

For Galahad was still sober

He was too righteous of a man.


At long last, Owain suggested a game

One that Galahad could not refuse

“Challenge him to quote the bible!”

That was something he would not lose.


For Galahad was very pious

A monk in knight’s armor

A way with words Old Gally had

For Mary, Christ, & his father.


The trick was mean in the end

For Owain named a verse

A verse from a book that did not exist

And poor Galahad thought he was the worst.


Sir Galahad fell to his knees

Feeling more the fool

He begged forgiveness for his lack of knowing

And Perceval could not help but feel cruel.


And so Galahad finally drowned in drink

Until he could no longer stand

He drank until the casks were dry

And there were no bottles in the land.


He wailed and cried and drank some more

For nothing could quench his thirst

He drank until he could not see

And all his morals were reversed.


He saw the ladies at the brothel

He danced until the dawn

He stumbled about the castle

Lamenting that he was Satan’s spawn.


Sir Perceval did seek him out that night

For Galahad had gone astray

On the floor of the tavern he was singing

About all the loves that had gotten away.


He mourned the loss of his youth

And the emptiness of his bed

He cried about the souls of his parents

Whose tryst created him in the end.


He prayed for forgiveness and guidance

And he asked for a sign

He drank until he could pray no more

Ale and beer and all the wine.


He slept on the tavern floor that night

While Sir Perceval did watch

He dreamt of a glowing golden grail

One that was not filled with scotch.


He dreamt that God did tell him

That he was destined to find this grail

That Arthur would ask him for it

And he would not fail.


Like poison the drink did spread

His blood thick with ale

He slept and slept for days on end

And Perceval never left, he would not bail.


Sir Galahad did weep in his sleep

Perceval watched as the tears were shed

For Galahad did smile at last

And then with a flicker, he was dead.


As he passed into death that night

He saw the glowing grail

He reached out and took it in his hands

He suddenly did not feel so frail.


Arthur appeared next to him

All pomp and circumstance

The king asked for the cup

And Sir Galahad took a chance.


He handed the cup to his king

And felt his heart swell with joy

For as he ascended to his beloved heaven

And felt, finally, like the golden boy.






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Shared Jun 02 with 4 notes
# arthurian gift exchange# arthurian# curlyfoureyes# gabbiebii


  1. thecatisalie reblogged this from gabbiebii
  2. gabbiebii reblogged this from dusks-and-shivers and added:
    I LOVE THIS! xD xD xD
  3. dusks-and-shivers posted this